Inexplicable figures of hate

Discussing the extreme right wing political views of Norris McQuirter and Patrick Moore with my friend Susan when she suddenly said, 'And wasn't there something similar with Jonny Morris?' She noted my look of horror and distress, and then corrected herself. 'No, actually, I think it was just my friend Ann's mum who had a thing about him. Couldn't stand him. Used to go on and on about him.'

I was glad that was sorted. I'm not having those happy memories of eloquent elephants tucking into trays of iced buns tainted by fascist innuendo.

I went out with a bloke whose dad hated Arthur Negus. No, I mean really ranted about Arthur Negus all the livelong day. I mean, ARTHUR NEGUS?! A plummy rotund nonentity with a penchant for nicely turned legs. Who even had an opinion about Arthur Negus, let alone hated him?

Perhaps it's time to compile a list of real TV hate figures: not the obvious Jeremy Clarkson types, those tedious sacks of shit aren't worth the effort. No, the more reasonable and innocuous, the better. Sue Cook's just asking for it, in my opinion. Prissy christian librarian cow.