Jordan: the Comedown

The twins have gone. Now Katie Price has gone, as her desire to get herself back into the good books of the British people has ended with them and her 'doing a Natalie Appleton' – us forcing her to undergo every task in a manner that could be construed as bullying if that wasn't the actual point of the show in the first place, and she flouncing out as she was about to embark on yet another Bushtucker Trial.

Her stated reason for going on the show in the first place - to achieve closure from her relationship with Peter Andre - was a bit like a serial killer claiming that they killed again to get over the trauma of the last one.

I have no idea why anyone would go on I'm a Celebrity... once let alone twice. It's the cruelest of these celebrity shows. In fact, having just seen Gladiator for the first time it is uncannily similar in terms of gruesomeness. It's not fun to watch, it just isn't. The trials are the most horrible things on TV, worse even than being stuck in a green room with the presenters of Top Gear. I couldn't ever put a giant spider in my mouth, for example. Why would people go on there to face that? Yet Sam Fox is coming out of this series beautifully. She's willing to muck in, is funny and pragmatic and deserves to win. And it's interesting to see a glamour model from a different age next to Jordan. It's like Terminator 2. This new, high-tech merciless version has suddenly made the original seem so much more human. Actually she's the T2 crossed with Glenn Close in Dangerous Liasons. Or something.

Meanwhile ITV execs hold their heads in their hands, within 12 hours their most hyped reality stars have all gone. And on the BBC my favourite Strictly contestant, Jade, has pulled out through injury. IT'S A SAD WAY FOR REALITY TV TO LIMP OFF THE END OF THE DECADE, that's all I can say.