'I've heard of blinis'

Oh, joy. Wednesdays!

Rocky (!) vs Yasmina, and it was sandwiches at noon. There was blue-eyed boy Rocky's team, whose crack sales force failed to get any sandwich clients ('I think we may have missed a trick there' said Philip, insightfully). And there was the revenge of the infamous French farmer's market Macro cheese this evening, where the high quality catering required by Yasmina's clients was met by Asda's budget range. And their clients commented accordingly: 'It looks like you've dropped it'. Yasmina reminds me so much of Collaterly Sisters from The Day Today: a chillingly glamorous robot of death.

Every year there's a humiliating fancy dress angle to the catering task, and the boys outdid themselves with their Olympian theme. 'It looks like I've just come out of a mental hospital' observed Majid as he shambled about in his ludicrous toga. And in the girls' team there was a fantastic Alice in Wonderland theme. 'They're kind of gigantic for canapes' observed Margaret, after they appeared to have swapped the sizes of their food, with tiny sandwiches and huge 'canopies'.

Both teams rebelled against their leaders in time-honoured Apprentice fashion. Chirpy Rocky was a dead man walking with his insane costs, and scary Yasmina's underspend was threatening to be be her undoing, with the most hideous low-quality food imaginable. 'There's a hair in mine!' squealed one city type at her paltry wrap. Which, compared to most of her food, was an act of generosity. 'Compensation,' as Margaret said.

And the duel ended with 200% profit vs a loss. James felt like his cat had died. He could taste success on his spit, he said, but he spent most of the episode looking like he'd been forced to eat his dead cat.

I should declare at this point that I think Margaret is probably my favourite individual on television, so when she said rather sympathetically about Rocky, 'He's very young', I was quite prepared to forgive him his terrible decision making and wanted him to stay, especially as the other two were such dicks. 'Give him a few years and he'll be the star of the North East,' said Nick. Certainly the other apprentices agreed, and they all expected useless James to get his. He's quite hard to watch, not even in a 'so bad he's good' kind of a way. But he's doomed, like Michael Sophocles in the last series. Let's hope he falls to bits in equally spectacular fashion.